I go to God,
Demanding a magic-wand approach--
A modern-day miracle--
He apparently says, “Yes” –
The “miracle” happens,
But although it’s what I demanded,
It’s not what I truly wanted
It’s not what I truly needed.
Instead
It’s what I grabbed
With my own two hands--
No miracle.
But just as the worst happens
And I am at the end of my rope,
Afraid, lonely,
Empty,
Just then, I remember that
As my Father’s child,
I had everything I needed
In great abundance.
I bow my head in repentance
Not having any bargaining chips
Not having anything to give in return,
Only my repentance and love.
Fortunately, that’s the currency
God deals in.
Not only does He accept,
He is there,
Waiting to fold me in His arms
Waiting for me to return,
To see His love--
No “I told you so!”
And yet, although fully forgiven,
At times I find myself in
A judgmental frame of mind,
I cannot abide people
Who think they can do minor wrong
And yet be forgiven--
Fully forgiven.
Can I, then, forgive myself?
Put myself in a state of grace?
Like the elder son
Who has “done no wrong!”
Who has “always followed all the rules!”
He has no love in his heart
For his brother, fallen by the wayside,
Needing a hand, just a hand
To get out of a ditch he has fallen into.
No grace there.
We receive as we give,
Stingily to the stingy
And fully to the full-hearted
Giving of love.
All the rules?
What about the two greatest commandments?
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart
And love your neighbor as yourself.”
Those are the rules…
The rest all hang from those two,
Logically following.
“All these I have kept since my youth!”
Yes, to the letter of the law,
But not to the Spirit.
Am I the Prodigal Son
Or the Elder Brother?
I think I’m both.