Feeling like a ghost,
I slip into the room,
Watching the others live
Their bright, shiny lives,
Listening as they speak
Of things I only dream of--
A night out with love,
A movie, a concert, a dance,
A day out with friends--
A normal life.
As usual, being passed by
In the conversation.
I have nothing to add,
No great events,
No fancy flings,
No love,
No life.
Feeling a hole in my life,
I bow my head in shame
And walk out again,
Closing the door quietly--
So they won’t see the tears
Or worse, the fears
That I’m not worthy
Of even a passing “hi!”
The ones who
Fear contagion
(Or would, if they knew--
(As if it were catching!),
Drawing their skirts aside
As I slip through in the halls,
Not even saying a civil hello,
“How are you, my friend?”
Or worse still,
The sympathetic gossips
Who, if they knew,
Would draw me out
And then behind my back
Skewer me with their following eyes
And pointing fingers
And hissing whispers--
“Oh, I’m so sorry for her!
I could never do that.”
Dear Lord,
Please remind me
That I am yours,
That You love me
Unconditionally,
And would even if
I chose not to love You.
Remind me that shame
Is not my load to bear
That Your Son
Replaced my mountain of shame
With His love
But remind me, too,
That they are yours also,
These people who treat me
(Or would, if they knew the inside me)
Like a ghost.