Wondering what went wrong. Wondering, even now, if I am making the right decision. So easy to turn around and go back.
Thinking about all the could-have-beens. The fairy-tale dreams. The what-if-I's. So easy to turn around and go back.
Every time I'm fearful of the future. Every time I'm feeling uncertain about something. Every time I'm worried about how things are going to go. So easy to turn around and go back.
And so wrong, to base a decision on fear.
As Mitch Albom says in The First Phone Call from Heaven, "I was so scared when I was fighting... Every day afraid for my life, afraid I might lose my life, but now I know. Fear is how you lose your life, a little bit at a time. What we give to fear, we take away from faith."
So easy to turn around and go back. So hard to take a stand and maintain it. So easy to stop growing. So hard to keep on. So easy to give up and pretend things have changed enough. So hard to decide to give God the reins and let Him do the driving.
So easy...so hard.
I've noticed that these periods of uncertainty, these times when I feel the need to re-examine my decision, when I feel as if there might be a reason to turn back--that they're hitting me less frequently. That they're shorter in duration. That they're not as intense as they used to be. So maybe eventually they'll get shorter and less frequent, until at last they stop.
Until then, well, I've always been a little stubborn. So maybe I'll stand my ground just because it's what I normally do. And with God's help and strength, I'll hold on to what I have gained.
God's peace be with you today and always. Amen.
When God makes you feel sorry enough to turn to him and be saved, you don’t have anything to feel bad about. But when this world makes you feel sorry, it can cause your death. 2 Corinthians 7:10 (The Voice)