Hatred and revenge…
If the person who hurt you most in the world
was standing in front of you, helpless,
What would you do?
What would you feel?
What would you say?
As a Christian, I am called upon to forgive
The wrongs done unto me,
As I have been forgiven.
But, Lord, even this person,
This person who hurt my heart so much?
This same person who said I was worthless?
This same person who made myself--
a shadow person already--
Even more so a shadow?
Revenge. Hatred. Anger. Loathing.
All stir round in the pit of my stomach.
Even fear.
Helpless as this person is, can he do more harm?
But still,
A small voice inside,
Calling out the path
that would be best for me to walk
That small voice cries out,
Forgive,
Love always!
It’s hard. Sometimes that voice is so hard to hear.
Yet, still, it comes clear
Over the tumult of the day
And I cannot help but feel,
Why?
Why forgive?
Why not revenge?
Do I like the person I am if I take revenge?
It does not matter what the other did--
I cannot change what others do!
But I can change what I do,
I can change my attitude,
Rein in my tongue,
Don’t let my feelings roam free
Like toddlers near the fireplace,
Watch that they don’t fall in the fire
But listen to them,
Listen to their needs.
What do I need?
They’ll tell me some.
Like fire signals in the night
Told war chieftains to bring their men to fight
Or send them home to plow the fields
Or celebrate a victory.
I have the strength to control my tongue
Control my actions,
Use my words and deeds for good.
And enjoy
The fruits of the spirit:
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
So I look at that person,
the one who hurt me,
standing helpless in front of me,
And I think of Jesus on the cross,
To save me from MY sins,
I think of Isaiah saying
That we have all gone astray.*
I think of my iniquities, and suddenly,
Like David, my sins, too many to count
(although two minutes ago
I would have sworn I had none!)
Have all caught up with me,
And I am ashamed to look up.**
I think of the grace
The good Lord has extended to me,
The helping hand waiting for me to look up,
To be ready for Him….
Yes, it must be forgiveness.
I cannot be “holier than thou”
Not to anyone.
Trust, however,
Will have to wait to another time.
Even to trust me, myself--
That person who hurt me more than anything,
That person who turned me into a shadow person.
Me.
©L.F. Haynie, June 27, 2015
*All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. [Isaiah 53:6, ESB]
I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments. [Psalm 119:176, ESB]
** 11 O Lord, don’t hold back your tender mercies from me! My only hope is in your love and faithfulness. 12 Otherwise I perish, for problems far too big for me to solve are piled higher than my head. Meanwhile my sins, too many to count, have all caught up with me, and I am ashamed to look up. My heart quails within me. 13 Please, Lord, rescue me! Quick! Come and help me! [Psalm 40:12, TLB]