In a small group, we were talking about the problems caused by holding onto grudges. We laughingly called it "emotional hoarding." To my surprise, however, I later found that to be a term that is actually used. Just as a hoarder cannot let go of physical things, an emotional hoarder is someone who cannot let go of negative feelings, holding onto anger, frustration, resentments, fears, or insecurities.
I know about physical hoarding. I spent seven years helping to clean out a hoarder's house. Another hoarder I know states that he does not have a problem, even though his house is limited to pathways and he has a 10x20 storage unit, stacked wall-to-wall and floor-to-ceiling with junk--boxes of old magazines, for the most part. It is, to a certain extent, caused by fear--the fear of not-having.
I know about emotional hoarding, too. I know people who hold onto their grudges, their anger and bitter resentment, some for more than half a century already. One person I know has poisoned his everyday life and lost his family through those feelings. Sometimes this, too, is caused by fear--the fear of not being loved.
At a Women of Faith conference a few years ago, I heard Andy Andrews speak. He told us that anger is often a cover-up for fear. It goes something like this. You feel resentful about something your friend said. Why? Because you are angry. Why? Because you are feeling hurt. Why? Because you are afraid she doesn't love you any more.
Am I an emotional hoarder? Can I forgive people who have wronged me? If I cannot forgive, it is like taking poison and expecting the other person to fall down dead. If I cannot let go, I am swallowing the poison every day. If I cannot forgive as I myself have been forgiven, I am throwing Christ's sacrifice back in His face.
If I hold onto those past feelings, feelings of anger, of resentment, of never being good enough, of never being the right person or of never belonging, I am filling up my present life with trash. Junk. A hoard.
If I can acknowledge that people are doing the best that they can, the best that they know how to do; if I can accept people for where they are at any given time, to look into their hearts and see why they said something or did something, it is easier to have compassion on them, where they are. Compassion makes it easier to forgive.
Time to clean out the closets, throw out the old boxes and the trash and dust that have collected. Time to wash down the walls and fill my mind with thoughts of forgiveness and kindness and compassion and love. All very light, perfectly proportioned furniture and perfectly matching accessories.
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. (Matthew 6:12, KJV)
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17, KJV)