It's the small details that get you down in life sometimes. I mean, really, a big thing can be going on in your life. 35 years of relationship down the drain., Becoming at the same time an empty-nester. Moving twice in two years, when you've lived in the same place for 16 years.
It's the small things that suddenly make you feel like everything in your life is going wrong. Changing the cell phone. Finally changing your address on your driver's license. Splitting the AAA membership. The auto insurance. Getting your car title in your own name. The health insurance. The life insurance. Making decisions about the car on your own. Making decisions about what to eat for dinner on your own. Even thinking about each of these details...
Each little detail carries weight. You wouldn't think so...it's so small. But each little detail is one more nail in the coffin. No more family discounts. No more buying the bulk packages. No one who knows you better than you know yourself. Who knows the family history and can share the joys and sorrows, on both sides.
Each little detail feeling like one more step you're taking in hip-deep snow. Hiking uphill for miles in the freezing weather of your heart. The pelting sleet of your tears. So tired, you want to just lie down and rest. But you can't...you'll never wake up again if you lie down in snow.
One more detail telling your heart that the frayed cord, once so thick, is close to snapping. Knowing that even then, it was an illusion, just makes it worse.
It's not the big things, sometimes, it's the little ones, that make you want to curl up under a blanket with a quart of ice cream or a large pizza or a bag of chips. That make you want to hide your head and pretend the world isn't out there. That you'll wake up in the morning and it will all have been just a bad dream, one of those nightmares that seem to go on forever and ever and ever and you can't wake up from.
Oh, I know the feeling all right. Feeling like you don't know what you have to offer God. What you have to offer the world.
This, too, shall pass. God's not done with me yet.
"Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall. My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me. This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.[Lamentations 3:19-23, KJV]