I am an introvert. I live alone. I telecommute. I don't call people; I email or text. I generally don't go to social events. If I didn't attend support groups, I would see people only once a week, in church. So, as someone who doesn't normally talk a lot, I want it to count. Like the Trappist monk who took a vow of silence and could only say two words every ten years ("Food bad!" "Bed hard!" "I quit!").
I want to cut to the chase. Ask folks about God in their lives. Find out how they walk with God. What do they think God wants them to do in their lives toward humankind? What do they like to read, and why? What music do they like, and why? What are the important topics they ponder in the middle of sleepless nights? What has God laid on their hearts recently? What makes them laugh? What makes them cry? What do they pray about? What do they dream about? What are they afraid of? What is keeping them from fulfilling their dreams? What are they really feeling? What are the important things in their lives? What was their day really like? If I'm going to take the trouble to talk to someone, I want it to count!
But I'm stuck with small talk. Because to ask those questions requires a je ne sais quoi, an ability to reach out, a willingness to make yourself vulnerable and be transparent. Because if you ask those questions, be prepared to answer them yourself. Am I willing to be vulnerable? Transparent? To show my true self? What keeps me from doing that?
Circle back to the usual answer--Fear. Fear that I will not have the answers. Fear that the answers may be not be what the person wants to hear. Fear that I will be insufficient. That I won't measure up. That I'll be boring. That my story will be considered trite and unimportant and not worth listening to. That my best will not be good enough.
God is love. There is no fear in love. If God loves me (and He does!), why would I fear? Who, then, shall I fear?
And hey, my small talk is virtually nonexistent, anyway, so what's the worst that can happen if I do reach out with some of those questions, and in turn, have to answer the same? So the next time I'm at an event, if I ask you how you're doing, I want the real answer.